OPINION: World shakes when women come forward

A former Cornell student alleges she was drugged and sexually assaulted by seven men at a fraternity house. 

The story was first reported by student journalists at The Cornell Daily Sun, Cornell’s independent student newspaper. 

Senior editor Cereese Qusba spent months investigating the allegations before reporting the lawsuit when it was filed, including speaking with the plaintiff and her lawyers and researching Cornell’s policies surrounding sexual misconduct.  

The Sun’s subsequent coverage was continued by journalists including Mary Caitlin Cronin and Varsha Bhargava, who reported Cornell’s statement that the students involved did not simply receive essays as their punishment, and that the suspensions and expulsions had been issued. 

Together, their reporting brought the allegations, the university's response, and the questions about accountability into public view. 

But one aspect of the story has captured particular attention: the discussion surrounding the essay written as part of the disciplinary process. 

The details of individual disciplinary outcomes are also limited by student privacy protections. 

Still, the question remains worth asking: Why does a man get to write an essay as punishment? 

It's not that writing an essay is inherently meaningless. Self-reflection can have a legitimate place in education and discipline.  

But when the alleged harm is sexual violence, we should be willing to ask what accountability actually means. 

What does accountability look like to the person who says she was harmed? 

What does it look like when she has to continue living with what she said happened to her while the institution debates what should happen to the people accused?  

And perhaps most importantly: Why does the conversation so often become about the future of the accused before we have properly reckoned with the well-being of the victim? In a world that has taught them to bite their tongue, they should not have to. 

Women should not hold back. 

Women should not stay silent. 

They should speak loudly. Speak clearly. Speak even when the voice shakes. 

Because women are taught from a young age to manage men’s comfort. 

We are taught to be polite. To be agreeable. To give people the benefit of the doubt. We are told to “protect the old man,” and to remember that “he meant well.”  

But maybe the question shouldn’t always be whether he means it well. 

Maybe the question should be: what did it feel like for her? 

Because somehow, when a woman says a man made her uncomfortable, the conversation can quickly become about him. 

He was joking.

He was drunk. 

He didn’t mean it that way. 

He’s from a different generation. 

Don’t make it awkward. 

Don’t embarrass him. 

Maybe he meant it. 

Maybe he didn’t 

But why is his intention so often treated as more important than her experience?

There is a phrase I have always thought about: “drunk words are sober thoughts." 

I don’t believe intoxication excuses someone’s behaviour, and I don’t believe being uncomfortable should require a woman to produce a courtroom-quality explanation before she is allowed to feel comfortable. 

This is not an argument that every allegation should automatically be treated as proven.  

We can acknowledge uncertainty while still taking allegations seriously. 

Because this conversation is bigger than Cornell. 

 It is about the culture that teaches women to manage men. 

Don’t make him angry. 

Don’t ruin the evening. 

Don’t be dramatic. 

Don’t make an accusation. 

Don’t make everyone uncomfortable. 

Don’t say anything unless you’re certain. 

I want to live in a world where women can say that a man crossed a line regardless of whether he intended to or not. 

I want to be capable of holding two ideas at once: that allegations must be fairly investigated, and that the person making the allegations deserves to be treated like a human being throughout that process. 

Because silence has never protected a woman. 

So to every woman who has been told to lower their voice: Raise it.

To the woman who has been told that she is overreacting: Trust that your discomfort is worth examining. 

To the woman who has been told to protect a man's reputation: Ask who is protecting yours. 

And to the woman who has been made to feel that speaking up is somehow worse than what happened to her: 

Dear Jane Doe, I am so glad you came forward. You do not have to make yourself smaller so someone else can remain comfortable, although as a woman I understand why you did. You do not owe anyone your silence. I am so sorry this world was so cruel to you.